Frankenshop

My First Published Novel

Book Blurb

Frankenshop is my first novel. It tells the story of when Dr. Frankenstein opens a pet shop full of monsters in order to integrate them into society, and cure humanity of its “monsterphobia.”  The novel is about a young boy attempting to buy a normal pet, completely unaware that his local pet shop is under the Doctor's management. It combines every monster my mind could think of, and I am very proud of it!  It is available for purchase below and on Amazon.com. Contact me via this website and email me for a signed copy today! 

Excerpt from Frakenshop

Chapter 2:  Mr. J

"What do you mean?" asked Mike, very surprised.

"I mean," said the plant, 

The plant motioned its "pod" like a head, looking at the creature it had called Phil and then back to Mike.

"There are no normal pets here."

"This is a boy too unique for a normal pet," said a voice behind them. The company turned around to see a tall, black-haired man wearing a lab coat, goggles on his head, and black leather shoes. The man smiled at them and spread his arms wide as he exclaimed, "I am Dr. Victor Frankenstein, welcome to my shop!"

"What?" Shouted Mike. 

"Doctor Frankenstein is  real?" Mike could not believe his ears.

"He is," replied the plant with teeth, 

"One hundred percent real."

"Now that you are in my humble shop, what is it that you would like to buy?" asked the mad scientist.

 "Actually, I think I should be getting home," replied Mike anxiously. 

Mike headed for the big double doors where he had entered the shop.

 "Wait! We can show you any monster pet you like," said Dr. Frankenstein. "Tell him Audrey Jr," the scientist asked the Venus flytrap. The plant called Audrey spat in disgust. "Would it kill you to say please?"

"Okay," sighed the doctor, "tell him, Audrey Jr., please."

The plant burst into song:

"We have every beast,

That's, to say the least,

From friendly to mean,

To weird and obscene,

From teeth that gnash,

And paws that smash,

Two mouths that foam.

From goblin to gnome.

It's a bit of a dump, but it's the place I call home."

"Wonderful!" cried one of the vulture's heads. No one had noticed the two-headed vulture leave its cage. "Fabulous voice, darling," cried the other head. The vulture flapped its wings in applause.

"Gnomes are monsters?" said Mike in disbelief.

"Specifically, the garden variety," said Frankenstein as if it were common knowledge.

"Yup," replied Audrey Jr. "Show him, Phil, please," he said to Frankenstein's monster.

 "Wait, take us with you!" said one of the vulture's heads.

"Oh goodness, I almost forgot," said Frankenstein, "meet the resident two-headed vulture over there, Doris and Dorothy."

 "Pleasure, a real pleasure," said Doris. "I agree," commented Dorothy. "Mind if we hop along?" they asked in unison.

"Sure," said Frankenstein. So, the group set off down the hall.

"Why sell monsters? Aren't they dangerous?" asked Mike. The doctor stopped walking and faced his customer with a sad frown.

"Horror movies get it wrong," said Frankenstein, "there were a few of what I would call 'incidents,' and monsters were indeed a terrible pest in my day, but I loved making them." He seemed to lose his sense of reality, daydreaming. "Ahh. No one understood them," he lamented. "It seemed that the first thing that popped into the commoner's head was: 'It's ugly... let's kill it.'"

"Once I built the shop and a machine that made monster-making easier, I thought that I would sell monsters as pets. I thought the shop would help the monsters and humans to get along - rehabilitate the monster image." Frankenstein wiped his goggles and smiled to himself, "Now on with the tour, Phil."

Everyone followed the monster (except Audrey Jr., who Doctor Frankenstein was carrying) into a room labeled "Fairytale Monsters." The room was like a strange menagerie. To the right, there were three enclosures. The first contained a castle, like one would find in a home aquarium. Along with the model, there were three ogres singing Ode to Joy but just using the phrase "Fee Fi Foe Fum." The song sounded terrible; it was not only off-key, but the ogres had their mouths full of (imitation) human-bone bread.

The enclosure next to the ogres' contained a bridge with a small pond beneath it coated with moss and two or three lily pads. 

Under it, four dwarfish grumpy trolls hated the ogres' music. The trolls were old, so old that their gray faces were covered with wrinkles; it was almost impossible to see their small, piggy eyes hidden by their sagging flesh. Nearly all old trolls hate music. Off-key music is what they hate the most. So these trolls were hurling rocks at the ogres.

The third cage contained a pond. In it, unseen by the visitors, were a group of Japanese water demons called kappas. 

In case the reader has not had the misfortune of meeting a Kappa, I will describe the creatures. They have the bodies of a turtle and a simian face with a beak. Audrey Jr. threw four cucumbers into the water when the gang passed here. 

Dr. Frankenstein and Phil's names were on the cucumbers; this appeased the kappas. But the man-eating plant forgot to put Mike's name on one of the cucumbers.

The four of them ventured to the left side of the room, where there were three other enclosures. One contained nasty, crooked-nosed goblins casting spells on each other that caused purple pimples. Next to the goblins was an exhibit designed to look like an airfield with forty or so gremlins. These small, green-horned, elf-like beings were tearing at the wings of a lone World War II airplane. In one corner was a gremlin wearing a gray tuxedo and tie with a gray bowler hat covering his tiny horns. He also wore a small set of tinted glasses and held a cane with a multi-faceted ruby on top. This is Mr. J, the most devilishly evil (and, according to Mr. J. himself, devilishly handsome) gremlin that has ever existed. He was responsible for the disappearance of Flight 19 in the Bermuda Triangle. He was also...

"Wait a second, who the devil is narrating my every move!" shouted Mr. J in the middle of my sentence.

"Good Lord! Speak up!" shouted Mr. J, again, obviously very irritated. "Either I forgot to take my meds, or somebody is playing a nasty trick on me!"

Sir, I think you took your medication. Nobody is playing a trick on you.

"Well, whoever is narrating, I don't like it!"

Mr. J, my job as the writer of this story is also to narrate it.

"Well, it's annoying, my good sir!" snapped Mr. J.

Too bad, it's my job.

"Stop it! I can't take it anymore!" yelled Mr. J.

We now leave Mr. J having a temper tantrum, jumping up and down, and screaming words that cannot be printed. But, because of our panicking gremlin's actions, we shall leave him on this page until he learns to behave himself. From the look of it, it's going to take a while.

As you can see, the monsters here can dance and sing a song. But with a madman running the place, something's bound to go wrong. Oh no, this book is making me rhyme. Our narrator will continue to narrate after a short nap.